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| 04:46am 20/06/2008 |
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I'm posting only because I can't sleep AT ALL. I went to yoga in a secret garden today and I think I must've gotten ants and mosquitoes all up in my pants, so I'm really itchy and restless at 4:47AM.
There was a cute little hit-and-run around 3AM, only it was the neighbor who lives where Amy used to live hitting my next-door-neighbor's car because he cut the corner short. I don't think they realize it though.
My plan to have a really Californian summer is working out nicely. I'm pet/house-sitting the next three days and I plan on spending that entire time sunbathing on their patio and using their fancy hot tub. They told me I could!
Sam's at camp now and pretty much unreachable, so I guess I won't be having any cutesy little conversations for two months. However, Ken's stepped right in and sends me music and just loves keeping in touch. COOL.
I don't know if any of this is coherent at all, because honestly, it's 4:55AM. |
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3 smiles - be happy |
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| 12:51pm 20/11/2007 |
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mood:  excited
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It's snowing! Good thing all my friends gave me wintry stuff for my birthday. :) (i.e. gloves, scarves, hats, and A SLED!)
Now I'm headed for a Boston Thanksgiving/Birthday! Thank God I'm not traveling to places like home.
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be happy |
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| Happiness, Really |
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| 11:44am 03/11/2007 |
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mood:  blissful
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This would be a good day at Colby College:
Friday; Magically wake up ten minutes before my class starts and make it there with time to spare, even if I look awful but it doesn't matter; Be let out thirty minutes early from my fifty minute class; leisurely breakfast with the Cunkos, Andy, Doug, Tim, and Lia; leisurely shower; two-hour shift at work which flies by because I have enough projects to keep me occupied; TV episode online; leisurely lunch with Natalie, Nguyen, the Cunkos, and Andy; Volunteer training at the humane society with Natalie and COOT leader Aman and seeing a Gunner/Radar hybrid; facials with Rachel and bonding with the sophs across the hall because of it; barbecue rentals and chicken sausage with the neighbs followed by dessert with the girls; Broadway Musical Revue to cheer on Sammee and Michelle; Hannaford adventures and Girl's Night/Dance Party with Natalie, Nguyen, Amy, and new friend Geri Morris; Mark having a party and being really proud to introduce me to the lacrosse team, including Captain Ishmail who had a Hansen's Surfboard sweatshirt on; Counter-COOT Jon really liking me but me being good and feeling loyal to someone else; Late night visits from Chris and Gus; and finally, an amazing heart-to-heart with Rachel about how incredibly relieved I am that things are working out so well 3,200 miles away from home. |
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be happy |
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| For Katrina |
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| 09:09am 15/10/2007 |
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mood:  satisfied music: Cat Power
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I had my first big down here. This past weekend was parents' weekend and it felt like everyone's parents were coming but mine. On Thursday I called mine to tell them I wished they could've come and by dad turned into an asshole again ("You're being unreasonable", "You're making us feel guilty", but no "We miss you too, daughter" or anything sentimental, heaven forbid. My mom was silent, of course.) Rachel's parents were here, and the combination of them being the nicest parents ever and them obviously pitying me made my room an unpleasant place to be, and my five-hour shift at the bookstore only solidified the idea that my parents weren't there to dote on me and buy me hundreds of dollars in Colby paraphernalia. The shift was followed by a crying message from my mom and crying phone call in return. I think we're good now.
On the bright side, my little emotional downfall brought out the compassionate sides of my hallmates, and I love them even more. When I came back from the bookstore and didn't feel like being around Rachel and her parents, Mark let me sit on his new futon and just calm down. When I was crying over the phone in the hallway, Chris Healey bent down and smoothed my hair a little on his way to the bathroom. Kristin left an amazing note on my door, and Rachel just let me chill without really talking. My neighbs are so important to me. Yesterday Ben was telling Rachel that he and Nick (his twin, also on our hall) were really thankful for Rachel and me because we're the ones who brought everybody together. We're also going to be the ones to teach them how to wash their feet, because we're sick of our room smelling like a men's locker room after every visit.
College has turned me into such a go-getter. I'm a reporter, a dancer, and a Colby Dem. I organize our study groups and help HR Jenn with hall events. I have one of the best entry-level jobs on campus with ideal hours and opportunities for promotion. I've held on to my nice girl rep but I'm less self-conscious and way more adventurous. I'm responsible and enjoyable. I'm social. My room is cozy and hardly looks like a dorm room. I have genuine friends out the wazoo and continue to make more.
Things to look forward to: More study groups with my cluster buddies, more classes with the professor who wrote The Complete Guide to the Xenaverse about Xena: Warrior Princess , more hallmate bonding, more music swapping with Chris Ng, aaaaand fall break in Washington, DC, on Saturday! |
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6 smiles - be happy |
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| college |
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| 09:34am 21/09/2007 |
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mood: happy
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Katrina said something about needing to post a more meaningful entry, so here goes.
This morning I was walking from Lovejoy to Dana (aka French to dorm aka home) and I ran into Alex, Emma, Louise, Micheal, Doug, Charlie (ick), other Michael, and Debbie, and a burly football player jumped back to hold a door open for me. This was all in (maybe) 200 yards. I really, really love small colleges.
I'm also beginning to think I made the Charlie thing bigger than it actually was. He was a little hard to get rid of, and a little creepy, but I didn't need to have an entourage organized around the whole ordeal. It made me feel special at his expense, and that's obviously a bad thing. Now I know, I guess.
Colby is way less intimidating than LCC, and California in general. Beauty isn't a competition, and that's been really nice. I totally belong here, guys.
Lastly, time difference is funky. I've already had a class and a bask in the sunshine while California is still asleep. |
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2 smiles - be happy |
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| 03:30pm 18/09/2007 |
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mood: content
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8-8:50AM French
9:30-10:45AM History
11-12:15PM Work
12:15-12:45PM Lunch
1-2:15PM Music
2:15-4:30PM Break/Homework
4:30-6PM Rehearsal
7-9PM Film Screening
9-Forever PM Response Paper/French/Life
Tuesdays exhaust me.
On a lighter note, I'm smiling to myself a lot. |
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6 smiles - be happy |
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| 09:23pm 10/09/2007 |
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mood:  perplexed music: MU136
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So I go to college and suddenly I'm hot stuff. I don't exactly understand. |
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7 smiles - be happy |
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| 07:55pm 19/08/2007 |
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I think my life has evolved a lot this summer. I do things like meet new people and earn my own money and go to parties and snorkel. It's been nice.
One more week. |
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4 smiles - be happy |
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| 08:56pm 09/08/2007 |
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mood:  blissful music: DAVID WILCOX!
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I swear, my childhood soundtrack has tunneled through the past and landed in It's A Grind. Some customer left a huge stack of CDs on a table at work, and at the bottom of an amazing stack of James Taylors and Lyle Lovetts was the imfamous CD of my early elementary school years– David Wilcox's "How Did You Find Me Here?". Even the name is meant to be. I swiped it. I'll bring it back tomorrow, I promise.
P.S. I could say I'm totes oves AlcoholEdu, but it's actually pretty interesting and I'm learning a lot. I've also been pretty learning-deprived this summer, so maybe I'm just taking what I can get. |
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1 smile - be happy |
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| 11:06pm 24/07/2007 |
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mood:  tired music: James Taylor
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I'm home a day early from camping because the Bray's Maggie wouldn't fetch, which led us to believe that the psycho fetch-addicted wolf-mutt wasn't feeling too well, which led to the Bray's off-roading to Bishop at a really unsafe speed, which led to the emergency vet diagnosing poor Maggie with heat stroke and altitude poisening pumping her full of antibiotics to fight infection in her inflamed spleen and bring down her 105 degree fever. Maggie's recovering, and we're all home early.
This was a particularly bad camping trip, probably because my stupid lungs wouldn't acclimate and my heart decided to beat at full pace for three days straight. I did have one great experience though, and it's one I'll probably never forget.
Last night around six Tom, my parents, and I were playing washer toss when an older couple walked up. They never told us their names, but they did tell us that she was French and he used to be an automechanics teacher at a community college in Imperial Valley, and they'd been coming to the White Mountain's Cottonwood Creek for 45 years, and they were the ones that had constructed all the toilets hidden in the bushes, and they used to stay in the cabin before it was taken over by hippies in the sixties and hunters in the seventies and mice/rat/dust diseases in the rest of its lifetime. They had so many cool stories, and they were so excited to hear that I was going to college and had ambitions, and when they finally said goodbye the old man shook my hand and the beautiful French lady gave me a really long, sincere hug. It was so pleasant feeling to meet these people.
And I love Gunner.
And now I have to go to bed because we have to make the house realtor-happy tomorrow, just so that some rich guy can come by, like our little duplex set-up, and kick us out. |
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be happy |
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| Money :) |
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| 11:51am 12/07/2007 |
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mood: impressed
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Big purchases are really fulfilling:
- Luggage! Excluding my treasured plaid garage-sale suitcase, I've never had my own luggage before. In celebration of college and independence, I got the most amazing two suitcases ever made by Samsonite. They're iridescent gray-green and full of practical little zippers and compartments. Best of all, they have four wheels each so you can wheel them alongside you (like a dog) instead of having them flip out behind you. Samsonite Ascension, check it out.
- Laptop! This was a graduation present, so I didn't buy it myself, and I haven't gotten it yet, but it'll be custom and beautiful. It's a Mac, of course, because I've never really used anything else. Order status says it's still in China.
- iPod! My old one crashes halfway through the first song, and the Apple student deal gives you a free iPod Nano with the purchase of a MacBook or MacBook Pro, so I upgraded and engraved and got an iPod Video for $50. I'm using my piggy bank money. Order status says it's shipped!
- Plane Ticket! The first plane ticket I ever bought myself is to Minnesota. After my brother moves to Seattle at the end of August I'll never have an excuse to go back to my favorite city. If I don't see him now, I won't see him again until Christmas, and that's too long to be apart with my favorite person in the entire world. I'm back in touch with Amelia so I get to see my debate camp bestie/twin again, along with all my brother's eccentric friends (yeah, I've seen the Facebook tags).
- AP Scores! I didn't buy those and it was a long time ago, but they were a worthwhile purchase. I'm entering college with 21 credits and over half of my distribution requirements fulfilled.
On a side note, will anyone give me the new Andrew Bird CD? I'm kind of poor, obviously. :) |
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3 smiles - be happy |
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| Honesty's the best policy! |
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| 10:46pm 26/06/2007 |
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mood: calm music: Jenny Lewis
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I've really loved how honest everyone's been lately. Like how Kisha told me how admirable it is that I've turned into such a social person when I clearly didn't get it from my parents. Like all the people on Saturday night who got drunk and really, really wanted to have heart-to-hearts and get to know me. Like my brother making money seem like less of a horror when I was so upset. Like my dad yelling at me, but only because he honestly felt like yelling at me. (???) I dunno, it's a really nice quality and I'm proud of everyone for embracing it. |
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be happy |
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| bad thoughts |
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| 04:17am 18/06/2007 |
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mood:  sad
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This is what's keeping me awake:
In the last couple weeks of high school, I was completely overwhelmed with the feeling that everyone was getting closer– everyone, but me. My best friend seemed to find another, I'd spend my weekends working or being alone, and no one seemed like they were even going to miss me.
I don't know if people just retreated early because they knew I was going far away, or if it was simpler than that and I just wasn't one of those people that you really wanted to befriend at the last minute. Either way, I'm really hurt. I think you guys are scewing yourselves over by staying together, and no matter how many times you tell me I'm brave or lucky doesn't wipe away the overall feeling of being completely left behind.
I can't figure out what I did wrong, and even if I knew what was wrong I wouldn't be able to fix it. Happy graduation, guys. |
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6 smiles - be happy |
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| 04:07pm 11/06/2007 |
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mood: ready
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"So it all moves in the pageant toward the ending, it's own ending. Everywhere, imperceptibly or otherwise, things are passing, ending, going. And there will be other summers, other band concerts, but never this one, never again, never as now. Next year I will not be the self of this year now. And that is why I laugh at the transient, the ephemeral; laugh, while clutching, holding, tenderly, like a fool his toy, cracked glass, water through fingers. For all the writing, for all the invention of engines to express and convey and capture life, it is the living of it that is the gimmick. It goes by, and whatever dream you use to dope up the pain and hurts, it goes. Delude yourself about printed islands of permanence. You've only got so long to live. You're getting your dream. Things are working, blind forces, no personal spiritual beneficient ones except your own intelligence and the good will of a few other fools and fellow humans. So hit it while it's hot." -Sylvia Plath, August 17th, 1952
I read this and needed to share it.
The only painful thing is that while I didn't feel like typing it all out, the blogger at butch-femme.com did. Don't look down at me. |
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be happy |
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| breakdown? |
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| 10:20pm 03/06/2007 |
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mood:  awful
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I must be becoming a workaholic, because I work all the time, I'm exhausted because of it, but I'm happiest when I'm there.
High school is not ending on the best note. I hate that I haven't seen some of my best friends in weeks, and those I do see I get really annoyed with. I've shut down. I'm unhealthy. I need to sleep, or cry, or maybe eat vegetables instead of coffee and ice cubes.
Nostalgia is just not happening; something must be wrong. |
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be happy |
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| 05:39pm 12/05/2007 |
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mood:  apprehensive music: Ben Kweller
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We graduate a month from Tuesday. If I could pick, I think I'd spend the rest of my life playing Scrabble and Pass the Bomb with the yearbook crew.
I'm afraid of my new friends, the ones I haven't met yet. What if I go to school and everyone works harder than me, drinks more than me, has more talents than me, and makes friends better than me? What if I just can't adapt, and can't handle the challenges, and want to drop out? I wish I had that option, as a safeguard, or a back-up, but dropping out would literally be the worst thing in the entire world.
I'm just completely unprepared for the end. |
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be happy |
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| So comfortable |
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| 01:56pm 29/04/2007 |
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mood:  hopeful
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It took a couple days at Calculus Camp in Julian to finally feel good about leaving for college. I'm too loyal to my current friends to feel good about branching out and meeting new ones.
That being said, Calc Camp was a hard-core blasty-blast. The endless free responses, reviews, and practice tests made me feel totally prepared, and the calculus innuendos, team games, table mates, talented guitarists, outdoor fun, and pure comfort with everyone there made me feel genuinely happy.
Too bad that was its last appearance at LCC... |
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1 smile - be happy |
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| sense |
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| 11:27pm 18/04/2007 |
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I have a crush on the Karl Strauss boy. Oh man. |
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be happy |
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sapphire21's journal